- I should stop counting. ...the days I've left NZ.
- I should stop comparing my life in these two different worlds. Different world demands different needs.
- I shouldn't tell too much stories about NZ to anyone. For some, it's a knowledge sharing. For many, it's a show-off.
- I shouldn't say that I miss NZ to my families.They have been waiting since forever for my return.
- I should enjoy being dependant on my family. I've lived too long on my own.
- I should stop comparing cultures between these two worlds. The cultures are different and I have no right to say which cultures are better, no matter what my heart felt. Deciding so would imply that I've taken my root for granted.
- I shouldn't say anything about sensitive issues. People won't understand that I have different thoughts,they'd presume I have been encumbered by some foreign ideologies.
- I shouldn't criticise or complain about anything. If it were to be translated as an insult, I'd be doomed. I should appreciate and tolerate things as it is.
- I shouldn't force myself to act like myself. I should conform. People talks if you're different. People talks.
- I'm not a student anymore. The world is bigger and I've been absent from the supposedly-familiar land for a long time. I should accept that I'm a baby - I know nothing, have no skills to survive on this land so I should learn slowly. Step by step. Back to square one. Again, what do I want to do with my life? I have no idea. I'm a baby, yes.
- The delay of work means delay of my re-adjusting progress. It's okay. I should take the time and sleep away all the upcoming challenges. After all, it hasn't arrived. It's the rebonding time with family. It certainly is the longest holiday I have ever felt at home.
As much as I need my continuum freedom in decision making, everything seems like working in binary here. It's either I should or I should not.
Should anyone read this, some might feel uneasy. I apologize in advance. I'm not bragging. I might be sick - if you say so. I'll be fine soon. Fingers-crossed.