Sunday, May 15, 2011

If Ghost exists, I believe I may die and become one..

This writing is not for faint-hearted. lol. jk.
Since I was young I watched a lot of ghost movies and series namely Nang Nak, Jerangkung, Ghost whisperer, and many more. I'd like to draw your attention to the famous one, Nang Nak. 

Nak "lived" beyond her life to fulfill one and only wish; to welcome her husband home serve him. She hunted one by one and murdered any villagers that tried to reveal the truth about her "existence" to her husband, Mak. Nonetheless, when the truth came out Mak left her out of fear, of course. Nak extended "life" finally ended when the monk calmed her spirit and the most important of all, Mak let her go. Mak released her from her agony of wait and unfulfilled wishes to live together till the end of time.. The most touching ghost legend I've found, ever.

My points in her story are two:

  1.  She couldn't go the other World peacefully due to unfulfilled wishes behind.
  2. The only way to leave peacefully needs some serious detachment and self-acceptance.

Now what's the relation with my entry's title this time? Am I going to be that faithful wife who'd rise from the dead to protect and serve my husband too? I pray I won't. I don't want to suffer the pain of leaving twice. 
However, that's beside the point. In fact, my case may not relate to the ghost stories at all although I can say for sure, there is a correlation (aha, now my psychology and statistic knowledge come in handy).

I have sleeping trouble (as many would already know). In many occasions, I could find myself lying restlessly trying to sleep yet much often, I will actually dream of things that bother my mind before my sleep. In most cases, I'd try to prove something mathematically. I'd think extremely hard to solve the problems although the question itself may be a little blurry or vague. That said, none of the problems that arise in my dream would be a Valid question. There were just a little invalid lemma or corollary that evolved from the troubling case I faced in reality.

Once, I tried hard to compute a probability function concerning a love relationship between my friends.On another occasion I dreamed about a Matroid proving that I failed to solve before I sleep, yet the proposition evolved and became something that was totally unsolvable. I woke up, stressed. There were many more "proving dreams" that I had which none of them were entertaining at all.  I become a ghost out of my own misery.

Back to Nang Nak points above:

  1. I couldn't sleep well due to my heavy workloads during the day. (i.e  unsettled/unfulfilled wishes)
  2. If only I could "unload" them for once and at least sleep peacefully, that'd be nice.. (i.e detachment & self-acceptance)
Here are my favourite quotes for a point to ponder:

"If only we could lessen our attachment, life would be much sweeter" (Shamim Mazari, 2009)


Learn to detach...Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. That's how you are able to leave it... Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.
Mitch Albom Quotes from Tuesdays with Morrie

"This is Shamimi Shamsuddin reminding myself in case I forget" - (Read with Baba Ali intonation)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The result and few other things


First, count the hot air balloons:

5? Correct!  That's exactly the rank I got in The New Zealand Student of The Year competition.
I didn't manage to get the first place and win the said Award. Yet, I believe I had a fun time asking supports from friends, families. Being in the top 10 was an accomplishment, getting as much as 200++ supports and made new friends along the way were also an accomplishment. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for your supports.

I will still receive the certificate for being nominated. Alhamdulillah.. :)

My friend says :A silent victory is sweetest when shared -- intimately. (RZ)

But I would at least leak some of the happiness, not to brag but just as a motivation to myself ;) :

I hope we could be friends and support each other even more^^
You are still my model of the best Malaysian student in Victoria, thank you very much for all the inspiration and motivation you gave me, how powerful a speech could be! (Ang Ching Ting, 2011 - Winner of New Zealand Student of the Year Award")


Congratulations Ching Ting. I'm proud of you, too :)


Now, the other things. Here are the snippets:

Monday:

I had 3 hrs not so quality sleep in the hons room on Sunday night. It was freezing although I put on a heater. (Thanks Ayu for the heater)

In the morning apparently there was only me in the 9am class (the two students only class) so yeah, I had to open my eyes. 

Nevertheless, in my other class I managed to quietly sat on the floor and slept for few minutes during the lecture. The lecturer must have felt weird because I asked him something at the beginning of the class and then I disappeared. And I was there towards the end of the class. lol. 

In my last class yesterday I left my phone accidentally and had to retrieve it from the campus security afterwards. 

Random much?

Tuesday:

I've been invited to have a lunch at Marae today by the Chair of Malay Studies in Victoria University. 
A free Maori lunch! Yay. 

And then work at Kiwiholidays. Back into being an office girl for awhile today, it seems. May the $$ pour *pur pur* (I've been quite poor lately :P) oh that rhymes pour pur pur poor.  lol.

Don't let me start talking about my workloads. It won't end.

Above all, I hope nothing random (catastrophic) happens today. ;)