I love my studies. But when your study breaks your heart you feel like you're left with nothing isn't it? Well, the world is not at the end. At least not yet.
Just recently I've hired a tutor for my Algebra (statistically the 2nd hardest undergrad Math paper at Victoria University). I've never imagined to go this far. I was pretty much self-sufficient when it goes to study. I can go to see lecturer when I feel I needed to, but not always.Yet this time, I really need extra helps because I can't rely on the lecturer alone or even myself. I don't want to explain any further on why I take this step that costs me $20/h.It's too depressing. All you need to know is, this is me,struggling to stand on my feet in my final year of my Math degree. Whether it really works or not, we'll see 7 weeks from now. I pray that it works. And it will, because I have to make it happen.
"Let no one think that it is impossible because it is difficult. It is the highest goal, and it is no wonder that the highest effort should be necessary to attain it.(M.K. Ghandhi)"
I've talked to my mates about Life recently. Looking back on how I spend my time this year, I may say that I meet less people, offer less service, shop less(well that's good actually), attend less social activities as compared to what I've done in previous years. I was busy and now I am still occupied. But only by my study and sleep.I've tossed away things that I like for this enjoyable unsurpassed freedom to pursue my intellectual pursuits (as my friend beautifully put it). I could confine myself in my house 3 days without stepping out of the door at all and sit for more than 8 hours for studying. And to be honest, I don't regret it at all. In fact, I feel like I'm closer to what I want this year. My life may seem dull to others but I'm trying to enjoy it the best I can. It's even harder than I ever imagined. And the finite time that has been graciously given to me sometimes feels too short. And just because I'm not doing many activities in significance it doesn't mean that I have enough time for everything. I still need to continuously reevaluate and reconsider my steps and my investment on Mr Time.
"If you don’t have time to do it right,
when will you have time to do it over?"
- John Wooden
Indeed, I understand that it's not how much time you spend is important , but it's how productive you spend your time that matters. Quality over quantity, yes that's exactly what I seek for. Please pray that my epic steps here will finally get me to what I want.
Here's a song that somehow raised my spirits for over a week already.
01 What Faith Can Do.mp3